The belief of scarcity is the belief that there aren’t any good men out there, or that all the good men are either taken already or gay. I hear from so many women: “There is no one out there but losers and jerks. If they are still single, there’s something wrong with them.” Are you someone who believes this?
No situation justifies the belief that there are no available men out there. You just have to browse the online dating sites to realize the wealth of single men out there. The world has gotten smaller and smaller. Our grandparents never had the kind of choice we do with respect to potential partners. They were limited to the people they met via church, school, or in their community. Their choice was often limited even further by the expectations of their family, culture, and social rank. Truly, we are the luckiest women in history when it comes to having the freedom to select a partner.
And yet it seems that in the midst of all this choice, we’re paralyzed. Some of us have become so picky that none of the men in our community seem good enough to us. We create exhaustive lists of specifications: he has to make so much, have this kind of family background, enjoy these hobbies, and want these goals. Instead of seeing the abundance of men around us, we’ve developed a binocular vision that picks apart the flaws in every man we meet.
If you are going to meet more men, you have to begin by opening your eyes. Look around you. Promise yourself that the only criteria you’re going to use to disqualify men from further consideration are that (1) they’re married or otherwise taken, (2) they’re either too young or too old, or (3) they are not “good” men (i.e. drug or alcohol dependency, players, abusive, etc.)Once you have eliminated every man who fits in the above categories, you will find that you are left with a lot of guys who are really nice, but who get left out of consideration because they’re too nice, not good looking enough, or don’t have a high-status job. You may not feel any chemistry with these men, but the fact is they’re there. They belong to the vast number of single, available men who are also searching for love.
So the next time you feel tempted to complain about the lack of available men, change your tune. The problem is not that good men are scarce. The problem is that our image of prince charming is so specific. It may be that you’re looking for such a particular kind of man that you’re blinding yourself to other possibilities. I am not saying that you should date men that you have no interest in (chemistry is essential). But as far as you feel able, give men a chance. Flirt with men that you’re not particularly interested in. Have the self-confidence to chat with men that you wouldn’t be seen in a million years. Be polite, friendly, and warm to everyone you meet. You may very well find that your “type” wasn’t at all what you thought it was.